Credo
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Post by Credo on Mar 25, 2019 19:43:26 GMT -8
davidsf, thanks for sharing that. Difficult predicament but it sounds like you're a man of strong faith and have done all you can do to give your step-daughter unconditional love for most of her life. I will pray also that at some point she sees what will--and what will not--bring real lasting happiness in her life. My own sins affirm to me that outside right relationship with God, we will always be restless and unsatisfied.
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davidsf
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Post by davidsf on Mar 26, 2019 8:15:32 GMT -8
davidsf, thanks for sharing that. Difficult predicament but it sounds like you're a man of strong faith and have done all you can do to give your step-daughter unconditional love for most of her life. I will pray also that at some point she sees what will--and what will not--bring real lasting happiness in her life. My own sins affirm to me that outside right relationship with God, we will always be restless and unsatisfied. Thanks, Credo... and as you infer, she is now only accountable to God. it crushed me when she was telling her friends lies about me, and it was frustrating when I tried to talk to her and she would physically put my wife between us and only talk to her mom. But I do understand her state of mind. in fact, even if she is unwilling to acknowledge it, her spirit knows she’s wrong, and making wrong choices. She keeps telling her mom she doesn’t understand these panic attacks she suffers or the anxiety she feels about most everything, and for which she has been in counseling... secular counseling for years. I would tell her, but she won’t listen to me.
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Bick
Administrator
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Post by Bick on Mar 26, 2019 10:43:09 GMT -8
Being a step-parent is one of the toughest gigs you can tackle IMO. BUT...it can also be one of the most rewarding. There's not nearly as much room for error as with your own kids, and when you mix in the influence of the often selfish bio parent, it feels like an impossible situation.
I wish I could give you more hope, but my sense is the lure of being a victim is an obstacle that is really tough to overcome. Hang in there, stay consistent, and light a few candles.
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davidsf
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Post by davidsf on Mar 26, 2019 10:50:24 GMT -8
Being a step-parent is one of the toughest gigs you can tackle IMO. BUT...it can also be one of the most rewarding. There's not nearly as much room for error as with your own kids, and when you mix in the influence of the often selfish bio parent, it feels like an impossible situation. I wish I could give you more hope, but my sense is the lure of being a victim is an obstacle that is really tough to overcome. Hang in there, stay consistent, and light a few candles. My wife and I are strong. We understand her daughter/my stepdaughter is (and has been) listening to the demons who have haunted her for years. She is only lost until sje sees it and decides for herself to return. She’s 26 and our only recourse is, keep the lines open (which means my wife), and pray.
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Bick
Administrator
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Post by Bick on Mar 26, 2019 11:33:46 GMT -8
For what it's worth, my wife and I emerged from being a couple dunces once our kids started having kids of their own. Must've been all the self-help courses we were taking.
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Post by ProfessorFate on Mar 26, 2019 11:54:06 GMT -8
The older you are, the wiser your parents seem to be.
Kids start out thinking their parents know everything. Then they become teenagers who think their parents are out of touch and know nothing. Then they grow up and think "Gee, I guess they did know what they were talking about after all."
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
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Post by MDDad on Mar 26, 2019 12:06:25 GMT -8
Except for Wabash's kids.
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RSM789
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Post by RSM789 on Mar 26, 2019 12:37:57 GMT -8
Except for Wabash's kids. I thought there was an injunction forbidding him to procreate as a protection for all of society...
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Bick
Administrator
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Post by Bick on Mar 26, 2019 14:19:50 GMT -8
In defense of the guy who is not here to defend himself, I actually thought he was a decent enough guy on the message board. Maddening as all heck, and had him on ignore, but never really thought him to be an overt jerk. I see he really gets treated pretty disrespectfully by the mods over there.
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RSM789
Eminence Grise
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Post by RSM789 on Mar 29, 2019 8:00:03 GMT -8
... had him on ignore, but never really thought him to be an overt jerk... I believe I see a connection. I never really paid any attention to Don Rickles, so I never found him to be that insulting...
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Bick
Administrator
Posts: 6,900
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Post by Bick on Mar 29, 2019 10:59:58 GMT -8
Funny RSM
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not4u13
Active Contributor
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Post by not4u13 on Mar 31, 2019 8:16:01 GMT -8
Thanks for sharing Dave and for the clarifications MDDad.
It's really hard to say what transpired with your stepdaughter. It's possible that the reason these other relationships didn't work out is as much about her as these guys. I can relate to the co-dependent mess issue. My daughter had one of those relationships as well and until she gained more self-confidence and realized she deserved better. Unfortunately that happens with relationships of all types, as I'm sure you are aware. I wish you and your family the best as you weather this storm. We found that that love and support was the best medicine. She learned she could trust us and that allowed us to get her away long enough to get her to reflect on what was going on. Ironically, the turning point for our daughter happened when my wife took her on a cruise. Just the two of them. No electronic devices. A few days away from that toxic environment where she could relax, be herself and reflect, was the start of her path out of that relationship.
As for those that switch back and forth, I'd say they are very confused. They are having a hard time understanding their sexual identity and I would argue they need therapy to help them. It could be they are trying to please everyone and so keep switching back and forth depending on who is more supportive at the time. It could be they are trying to gain attention. It could be a lot of things.
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davidsf
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Post by davidsf on Mar 31, 2019 8:57:23 GMT -8
Thanks for sharing Dave and for the clarifications MDDad. It's really hard to say what transpired with your stepdaughter. It's possible that the reason these other relationships didn't work out is as much about her as these guys. I can relate to the co-dependent mess issue. My daughter had one of those relationships as well and until she gained more self-confidence and realized she deserved better. Unfortunately that happens with relationships of all types, as I'm sure you are aware. I wish you and your family the best as you weather this storm. We found that that love and support was the best medicine. She learned she could trust us and that allowed us to get her away long enough to get her to reflect on what was going on. Ironically, the turning point for our daughter happened when my wife took her on a cruise. Just the two of them. No electronic devices. A few days away from that toxic environment where she could relax, be herself and reflect, was the start of her path out of that relationship. As for those that switch back and forth, I'd say they are very confused. They are having a hard time understanding their sexual identity and I would argue they need therapy to help them. It could be they are trying to please everyone and so keep switching back and forth depending on who is more supportive at the time. It could be they are trying to gain attention. It could be a lot of things. Thank you for this. Her healing and/or return is hampered by a number of things, principally her distance from us (about 350 miles or so). She won’t communicate with me at all, not even to say “thank you” for a gift or a birthday wish so her allowing me to speak into her life is a no-go from the start. Her mom, my wife, is primarily interested in people getting along so it is impractical to think she can or will talk to my daughter about the “why” of her anxiety issues and depression. my two children (a 16 year old and an 18 year old) are mostly unaware of her animosity towards me. They believe I don’t go with them to visit my stepdaughter because I have to work or I have prior commitments... and that is how we prefer they remain. My stepdaughter also has a mental thing I have fought against for years: She has a vivid and creative imagination which, over time, becomes a reality to her. Whatever scenario she has concocted about me, that allows her to ignore or dismiss me is, by now, real to her. She also believes if no one is talking to her about something, then everyone must accept whatever it is... all that conspires to keep her under whatever spell she is under.
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