SK80
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 7,376
|
Post by SK80 on Sept 29, 2022 3:53:13 GMT -8
F - Around...
|
|
MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
|
Post by MDDad on Oct 1, 2022 16:29:48 GMT -8
AOC was tired and hungry when she got home from work. So she washed a large russet potato, punctured it several times with a fork, placed it in the microwave and pressed the "Pizza" preset button. When the bell went off and she opened the door, she couldn't figure out why it was still a potato.
|
|
Bick
Administrator 
Posts: 6,900
|
Post by Bick on Oct 11, 2022 11:22:58 GMT -8
|
|
billb
Senior Eminence Grise
Posts: 3,082
|
Post by billb on Oct 11, 2022 18:37:27 GMT -8
|
|
|
|
Post by ProfessorFate on Oct 11, 2022 20:23:38 GMT -8
|
|
|
|
Post by ProfessorFate on Oct 13, 2022 4:03:56 GMT -8
From my friend Concha, on the PrepGridiron board:
Posted 18 hours ago
A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."
The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am, replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position
you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
|
|
SK80
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 7,376
|
Post by SK80 on Oct 16, 2022 6:27:03 GMT -8
|
|
|
|
Post by ProfessorFate on Oct 18, 2022 3:56:08 GMT -8
 message disappeared  |
|
MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
|
Post by MDDad on Nov 1, 2022 18:11:20 GMT -8
Two men in their twenties are sitting at the bar talking.
One of the guys remarks to the other, “Boy, you look really tired!”
His friend replies, “Dude, I’m exhausted. This girl I’ve been dating wants sex all the time! Three, four, sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I just don’t know what to do!”
A fellow in his seventies is sitting a few bar stools down from them and overhears their conversation. He looks over at the two men, and showing the wisdom of his age says, “Marry her. That’ll put an end to that nonsense!”
|
|
billb
Senior Eminence Grise
Posts: 3,082
|
Post by billb on Nov 1, 2022 18:18:59 GMT -8
That has not been my experience MD. 
|
|
Luca
Master Statesman
Posts: 1,316
|
Post by Luca on Nov 1, 2022 19:52:27 GMT -8
Why would you marry a woman who was having sex six times a night with some other guy?
|
|
MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
|
Post by MDDad on Nov 10, 2022 10:21:28 GMT -8
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more. "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig!" she retorted indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"
"Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."
Think about that for a minute and then read it again.
|
|
MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
|
Post by MDDad on Apr 21, 2023 8:36:37 GMT -8
My wife once asked me if there's a female equivalent of a man-cave, and if so what it's called.
I said, "Yeah, there is. It's called a kitchen."
I'm not married anymore.
|
|
billb
Senior Eminence Grise
Posts: 3,082
|
Post by billb on Apr 21, 2023 14:21:07 GMT -8
Yah, I got my wife a new vacuum cleaner for her birthday...
|
|
MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
|
Post by MDDad on Apr 21, 2023 14:47:16 GMT -8
Yah, I got my wife a new vacuum cleaner for her birthday... Hope you have a good lawyer. |
|
