MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,816
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Post by MDDad on Feb 23, 2021 10:06:00 GMT -8
I received my 2021 COVID-19 Stimulus Package yesterday.
It contained a dozen jalapeno seeds, a box of cornbread mix, two discount coupons to Chicken & Waffles, a "Biden Hope & Change" bumper sticker, a Muslim prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my ass that arrived broken, a pair of AOC's panties, and a "Blame It On Trump" poster for the front yard. All the directions were in Spanish.
Yours should arrive soon.
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Post by ProfessorFate on Feb 23, 2021 23:10:44 GMT -8
I received my 2021 COVID-19 Stimulus Package yesterday. It contained a dozen jalapeno seeds, a box of cornbread mix, two discount coupons to Chicken & Waffles, a "Biden Hope & Change" bumper sticker, a Muslim prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my ass that arrived broken, a pair of AOC's panties, and a "Blame It On Trump" poster for the front yard. All the directions were in Spanish. Yours should arrive soon. Well, if things get really bad, you could probably make a bowl of soup out of those.  |
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,816
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Post by MDDad on Feb 24, 2021 7:24:45 GMT -8
I was thinking of maybe twisting a healthy pinch of tea into the crotch and steeping it in steaming water for a noisy, stupid drink.
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Post by ProfessorFate on Mar 1, 2021 13:16:55 GMT -8
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Credo
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,242
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Post by Credo on Mar 1, 2021 21:01:17 GMT -8
I'm not even sure what to file this under.
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,816
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Post by MDDad on Mar 1, 2021 22:29:45 GMT -8
Man, I don't even want to imagine THAT daisy chain.
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davidsf
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 5,252
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Post by davidsf on Mar 2, 2021 17:37:36 GMT -8
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davidsf
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 5,252
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Post by davidsf on Mar 3, 2021 8:38:48 GMT -8
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davidsf
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 5,252
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Post by davidsf on Mar 4, 2021 9:36:37 GMT -8
A man died and went to Heaven. As he was being checked in, he noticed a huge wall of clocks behind St. Peter.
“What are all those clocks?” He asked.
“Those are lie-clocks,” replied St Peter. “Each time someone tells a kid, the clock hand moves. For example, that one there is Mother Theresa’s: The hands have never moved. That one there is Abraham Lincoln’s... those hands have only moved twice.”
Scratching his chin, the man observes, “I don’t see Joe Biden’s clock.”
St. Peter looked up, “Oh, his is back there in the office: We’re using it as a fan.”
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davidsf
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 5,252
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Post by davidsf on Mar 6, 2021 8:11:07 GMT -8
 HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... no you’re not! 😆 |
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,816
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Post by MDDad on Mar 6, 2021 16:08:30 GMT -8
Yeah, and you're going to get the first one right up your transgendered rainbow-haired ass. |
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davidsf
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 5,252
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Post by davidsf on Mar 6, 2021 16:22:24 GMT -8
Yeah, and you're going to get the first one right up your transgendered rainbow-haired ass. Still having that trouble expressing your feelings, I see... 🤷🏻♂️ |
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,816
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Post by MDDad on Mar 6, 2021 16:49:02 GMT -8
I do, but I keep trying to be more specific and elegant in my language.
Can you imagine that dude seeing that picture of himself when he's in his 80's? He's gonna want one of those guns he confiscated to blow his brains out.
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davidsf
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 5,252
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Post by davidsf on Mar 8, 2021 8:11:37 GMT -8
 A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk, says. "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. "We missed the 'R' ! We missed the 'R'." His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot. "What's wrong, father?" With a choking voice, the old abbot replies. "The word was... CELEBRATE!”😁 |
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,816
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Post by MDDad on Mar 8, 2021 19:24:10 GMT -8
Can anyone guess whose hands these are?  |
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