MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
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Post by MDDad on Apr 25, 2022 14:40:47 GMT -8
This morning, around 7:00 AM, John went for a stroll around the marina. He noticed a man with a long blade knife running down the dock towards him, dressed in Islamic clothing who shouted "Allah be praised! and "Death to all Infidels!, when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. He was struggling to stay afloat because of the weight of all the explosives he was carrying, and John knew that if he didn't get help he would surely drown!
Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the moral code that requires a person to get help to those in distress, John contacted the Police, the Coast Guard, Homeland Security and even the Fire Department. It is now 11:00 AM, the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities have responded.
John is starting to think he just wasted four stamps.
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Bick
Administrator
Posts: 6,900
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Post by Bick on May 5, 2022 12:40:07 GMT -8
I needed a good laugh today. Between this and the way that clown that attacked Dave Chappelle looked once the body guards got through with him, I don't even need a whiskey tonight. I might have one ANYWAY, but I don't NEED one. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
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billb
Senior Eminence Grise
Posts: 3,082
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Post by billb on May 9, 2022 18:05:28 GMT -8
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Bick
Administrator
Posts: 6,900
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Post by Bick on May 23, 2022 16:43:34 GMT -8
Joe Biden at the helm
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billb
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Posts: 3,082
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Post by billb on May 23, 2022 18:36:31 GMT -8
I know that guy. He went to Bill B Driving School. He passed with flying colors.
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
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Post by MDDad on May 23, 2022 21:23:52 GMT -8
I'd bet my life the driver of that truck is a 50-year-old Vietnamese woman.
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billb
Senior Eminence Grise
Posts: 3,082
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Post by billb on May 24, 2022 0:26:10 GMT -8
He wanted to get out of there quick before the boss saw the dent in the side of the trailer.
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SK80
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 7,376
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Post by SK80 on Jun 12, 2022 5:50:01 GMT -8
triggered....? fire away MDDad...... woof woof !! even better..... fire!
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
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Post by MDDad on Jun 12, 2022 6:26:49 GMT -8
That kind of stuff makes me sick to my stomach. I can't help but wonder how many observers along that route don't so much support the "movement" as much as they just wanted to go to a freak show.
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billb
Senior Eminence Grise
Posts: 3,082
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Post by billb on Jun 12, 2022 11:48:48 GMT -8
The top one: They remind me of escaped mental ward patients. The bottom one: Looks illegal or on the verge of illegality.
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
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Post by MDDad on Jul 27, 2022 12:40:09 GMT -8
For well over a year now, I've wondered where I might move if this country goes totally to shit. Maybe the answer is Scotland. Here are some actual billboards placed in front of bars in that country. Who wouldn't want to live in a place like this:
Drink Triple See Double Act Single
Has Your Dog Died? Worried About The Size Of Your Penis? Found Out Your Husband's Gay? Starting To Find Animals Attractive? You Can Numb These Problems Temporarily With The Help Of BOOZE! Remember, The More You Drink, The Less You Worry
Today's Guinness Special Buy One Beer For The Price Of Two And Receive A Second Beer Absolutely FREE!
The Craftsman - The Perfect Martini Recipe 1. Pour Gin, Vermouth And Olives Into The Trash Where They Belong 2. Drink Whiskey
Free Beer + Topless Bartenders = False Advertising
Unattended Children Will Be Given Espresso And A Free Kitten
Come In And Meet Your Future Ex-Wife
Jokes About German Sausage Are The Wurst
I Distrust Camels And Anyone Else Who Can Go A Week Without A Drink
Alcohol And Calculus Don't Mix So Don't Drink And Derive
Carlsberg Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 1864
We've Got Some Lovely Local Crabs And We're Itching To Pass Them On
Alcohol! Because No Great Story Ever Started With Someone Eating A Salad
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SK80
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 7,376
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Post by SK80 on Jul 31, 2022 12:21:47 GMT -8
Triggered..., nah...,@ MDDad and goooooooo....!
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MDDad
Master Eminence Grise
Posts: 6,814
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Post by MDDad on Aug 9, 2022 12:35:19 GMT -8
Here are two cool stories:
STORY NUMBER ONE
Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.
Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was Capone's lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvring kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.
To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well.. Not only was the money big, but Eddie got special dividends, as well. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.
Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.
Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object.
And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was.
Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example.
One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done.
He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some resemblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified.
Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay.. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.
The poem read:
"The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still."
STORY NUMBER TWO
World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.
One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.
His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet. As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw something that turned his blood cold; a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American-fleet.
The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.
Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent.
Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible, rendering them unfit to fly.
Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier.
Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return.. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Medal of Honor.
A Year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His hometown would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man
So, the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.
SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?
Butch O'Hare was "Easy Eddie's" son!
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