I Hope You Won’t be Triggered by This:(ITM)

This must have been written by a woman, skewed by her jealousy that she doesn't have a handle like we do:

(and, I think maybe 80% is a pretty conservative estimate)

No one is born a homosexual.

Obviously, the resident homosexual will deny he science as he ha always done.

Your agreement isn't necessary for it to be true.

I can not shop at Costco anymore.

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog (What?  Did she think I had an elephant?). So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet: "...the way that it works is, you load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I should mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story0.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.  Watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

A King wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain. So the King and the Queen went fishing.

On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting. The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace!  In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm." The King replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."

So, the King continued on his way. However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked. Furious, the King returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist. Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So, the King hired the donkey instead.

And so began the practice of picking dumb asses to work in influential positions of government, and thus, the symbol of the Democrat Party was born.

The practice is unbroken to this day.